I lie to live

Am I that Mean?


Am I that bad?

Most of the times, I feel myself being so selfish.
I wish I am not like that.
It's difficult
People say things bout this
but they don't know
what's inside
deep inside
they may see me loud
but I am not
Some may say weird
but I am not
Who I am?
I ask you.
Do you know me?
I don't know
It's you
I cry, I shed tears most of the time
but in front of you all
all- all you see are smiles
smiles that brightens your day
but it's hard to act
I lie to live
isn't that enough?
I am who I am
but I just can't accept that fact

A fact that you all might not respect
might not accept
I am afraid for that,
for that will hurt me,
hurt you!

Is there something wrong with
me?
I am really who I am
but
I just want to change

Why can't I show you all the real me?
Why do I need to hide?
Am I afraid?
A coward?

That's not me!
I don't believe about that
I see myself as a brave woman
but am I really one?
Am I sure?

or

Am I just fooling myself again
&
Again?

What? This is unfair,
how I wish I can cry now
but I am tired

Am I really that bad?
I ask you!

You may not say the truth
for you don't know me
I dare not to answer that too
I don't know what to say

Am I really a coward?

It's HARD!

I wish to show the real me
but I am afraid that you might
hate me
I lied
I lied
I just did.

I sighed
and cried.
Why is this happening?

Did I just released my pains?
I know this will go on
but
it has to be healed.

Healed-healed by you.
I don't know who
but you

My friends see me
loud, happy, talkative, cheerful, joker

but is that how I see myself?

IF yes, did I just lie again?

When will I face the truth?
When will I?


... this is unfair,


why can't I accept myself,
why can't you?


Please do, and I shall do.

or

I shall do and please do.

It's crazy, but I'll stay strong.

I am not a coward,
I thought about it.


No , I am not.

Did I lie again?

No, no, no.

*opens eyes'

I think I know who I really am
I just woke up
from a
dream
- a weird one.

-TANYA ARADO